Reframing a Limiting Desire to Keep Options Open
❓ Who here thinks of themselves as someone who “likes to keep their options open”?
It’s a phrase I hear a lot in career transition coaching, and when it arises, I always encourage deeper exploration. It’s a type of phrase that often indicates a positive sounding veneer masks a more troubling interior concern.
A recent strategy article in HBR reminded me of this point. A critical component in strategy is deciding what not to do, especially when that decision runs counter in some critical way to the competition’s decisions. Only by crossing options off our list can we really focus on what we choose to do, do it well, and differentiate ourselves in the market.
Sounds convincing for a business strategy, yet why are we so attached to the idea of keeping our personal options open, especially in questions about life and career?
Most of us learned early in life that keeping our options open is a safe way to go. We probably learned at an early age to be wary of making decisions that close off possible future paths, in part because we were inexperienced in making decisions and adults in our lives wanted us (in fact, these same adults still might want us) to avoid taking paths that are hard to turn back from. It was probably good advice at the time, all things considered, and encouraged a broad set of experiences, skill building, and experimentation that helped us understand who we are and what we actually want.
Yet as adults there are times when “keeping our options open” keeps us from moving forward and masks a fear of regret. Holding options open costs us time, money, opportunity. When and how do we close them out and move on?
In coaching through these situations we work through a few steps:
✅ Reframe “I like to keep my options open” to “I like to have lots of options.” Does making this commitment to a single option now lead to new and different options down the road? If so, I can still be a person who avoids dead ends but doesn’t fear making choices and moving forward.
✅ Dig deeper to see if the desire to preserve optionality masks a fear of commitment or regret and work through that. Sometimes this process leads to greater confidence to move forward, and sometimes it uncovers conflicting motivations that need to be untangled before making a big life decision.
✅ Encourage discovery in a richer option set. Rarely is the decision a binary one: choose A or choose B. The paralysis might be your brain’s way of warning you that you aren’t seeing the right options.
To see how coaching can help you explore and exercise your options in life and career, connect with me here or at john@aconnectedcoach.com.