Book Commentary: Thanks for the Feedback by Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen
🎁 This time of year offers many opportunities to give and receive …. Feedback.
Maybe it’s the HR “performance management system” requests piling up? Or year-end reviews for your team that need to be written? Or your own – and often dreaded – exercise in “self – evaluation” for conversations with your manager?
A foundation for all of these exercises is quality feedback. But what is it? How do we ask for it? And how do we deal with it, especially when “it is off base, unfair, poorly delivered, and, frankly, you’re not in the mood”?
Let’s start with acknowledging that there are three types of feedback, and that understanding the difference and being specific about what you’re providing or requesting will go a long way to smoothing over the awkwardness that often accompanies the entire topic. I propose that all types of feedback have their time and place. The art is knowing what you need to give or receive in a given situation.
1️⃣ Recognition : This feedback is meant to acknowledge progress, show appreciation, encourage continued effort
2️⃣ Developmental : Here the point is to help someone get better regardless of their current level
3️⃣ Evaluative : This feedback provides a ranking and a comparison of performance relative to others or to a set bar/goal.
💪 Try this: when asking for feedback over the next few weeks, be specific about the type of feedback you are seeking. Replace the vague “can you give me some feedback?” or “how did I do this year?” with a specific request such as “I am trying to get better at XYZ. Based on what you’ve seen, how could I improve next time?” This is a request for developmental feedback that shows the person giving feedback that they are helping you get better at something that matters to you. If recognition or evaluative feedback would be valuable to you, specifically ask for that.
Similarly, if someone asks you for feedback in a vague way, encourage them to specify what they’re really looking for, and if they aren’t sure, steering toward developmental feedback is a good way to go.
There’s a whole library of books on this topic, and if you read any I suggest you consider Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well by Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen on which I’ve based much of my thinking (though I use slightly different terminology).
If giving and receiving feedback is a stumbling block for you, consider the value of coaching on this and related leadership topics. Connect with me here or at john@aconnectedcoach.com